city of blinding lights.

i had an entire day of seminars in school today. it was superbly tiring. this was especially since i hardly slept a wink the night before. i had been up til 5 am because i had some starbucks at around 9pm and then a mcdonalds' happy meal at around 11pm (to get the hello kitty toy!!!) and then i went home and talked to people for a long time because i couldn't fall asleep. i knew i had to sleep. i knew i had to get up early and have enough strength for a full day of classes for school. i knew.

but i just wasn't tired.

well, as in i was tired but i just couldn't fall asleep....you know the feeling? like when you desperately need rest but your brain is still ticking away! it is very irritating, right?

haha.

classes today were...well in one word, interesting.

the first seminar was on research design for our theses. it was extremely useful and it sort of scared me a little cos it made all the research (which i have yet to start on), extremely daunting and perplexing. i don't know how i'm gonna get through that bit. but at least, now i know what the dept is looking for in our papers.

the second seminar was much more happening. even though it was less useful and really, just full of bs...the prof was great and he has such charm! then we discussed potential topics of some of the other honours students. i must say, these people have had it all thought out. i think i am behind. i think i am slacking. need to start soon. no, really.

why is everybody so cut-throat competitive? i need to start convincing myself that i'll be okay.

i'll be okay. i know that. i'm strong. RAR.

i had three different cups of caffeine today. a can of nescafe for breakfast, a cup of teh peng to wash down lunch and a can of jasmine green tea during class. still, they failed to keep me awake and i had to actively fight off sleep even during the most entertaining class. note to self - sleep early.

A asked me what modules i was doing and what my thesis was gonna be on. i told him i wasn't sure. but i had to tell him what modules i was doing anyway, since bidding was over and i had no way out of that one. to be honest, i'm feeling a little mistrustful and i'm pretty sure i know why. other than that, i'm beginning to enjoy honours year. and being an honours student. many open doors, lots of free time to ponder and analyse and write, lots of attention paid to you, and best of all, great friends to take classes with :)

and coro has starbucks! it is my new favourite hangout place. because it sells my favourite drug. and it is cosy and quiet in the afternoons and evenings. perfect for dozing off, for chatting and for reading a book. and when school starts, also great for studying :) thank God for Starbucks. i'm serious. i really am thankful that it's so convenient. an escape without having to travel too far. holland V is always so darn crowded.

i'm really sleepy tonight. although i do want to maximise the most of my last holiday week. so maybe i won't sleep that early ;)

you've become no more than a painful but distant feeling.