i don't know who is going to read this.
but i need to get this out.
now, don't lecture me, don't tell me i have to stop, don't tell me it doesn't matter anymore and don't tell me i need to move on. don't you dare.
because i have, and i'm happy i did.
but i still hurt very deeply.
you know what the funny thing is?
do you know what i really regret?
as in, five months down the road, five months of no contact with you or never talking to you, being essentially free of you and all that shit you threw at me,
i'm actually able to view things from a much better perspective.
and i'm able to think with a clear head.
i'm glad i walked away.
because i know i'm much better than you, or than the two of you put together.
because i know that that is the one thing i will never do, and i can safely say this now, having been on the bad end of it all.
and because i know, that i deserve better than you.
but, coming back to the question......what i really regret is,
thinking i wanted you back. this was even after i found out, after i read those disgustingly icky pathetic sweetheart messages she sent you, after i found her photo in your phone (yes, the one with her in a dressing room...yuck), after you can tell me to my face how much more she matters to you and after all the insults you hurled at me and all the times you blamed me for what happened.
i actually, stupidly, retardedly, pride-lessly believed that we were meant to be together and that it was my fault and that i wanted you back so badly.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
and i regret, begging you to take me back.
and i regret APOLOGISING to you for YOUR CHEATING.
and i regret believing you when you told me she was "so much more" than me.
you have no idea.
no idea what you put me through.
those three months. they were hell on earth. literal hell.
don't even get me started on exams.
you put me through hell ernest fong.
do you know what it feels like? you don't.
and you know what? i don't fucking want your damn sympathy. because it's tainted. it's poisoned and tainted.
and yes, you can tell her she IS THE THIRD PARTY. she's spot on. no doubts about that.
and please. don't tell me you "pray" for my "acceptance" everday. my acceptance? acceptance of what? your adultery and eventual betrayal? hahaha, please. just stop acting like you are innocent and a complete victim of this entire thing. just stop. because right now, to me, i don't care. you go deal with your own sins. don't pile them up on me. and to me, anything you have with her was borne out of adultery and betrayal. and, that is downright wrong.
and the only reason why i tell you this, why after so many weeks and months of recovery, why i'm going back to this, is really because i'm stronger now. mentally and emotionally.
and because i've actually had the time to sit down and think.
i never thought cheating was as bad as it would be. i never expected it to happen to me, but worst of all i realised that it can have a profound impact on relationships.
right now, i don't want you back.
I KNOW i don't want you back.
I KNOW IT deep down, it's so ingrained, so indelible. it's practically written on my forehead, wherever i go.
conversely, for me, and for the rest who know, the word CHEATER is written on yours.
because when i think about it, even if you came back, it's broken already.
i would be living in a constant state of paranoia. especially since you see sarah lim everyday.
and especially since you can tell me after 1 month of knowing her, that you have feelings for her and none for me, despite being with me for 3 years. as quickly as she comes in, you can erase away 3 years of commitment. it's as if you've transferred them over.
i would hate to be her.
because i'd be very afraid of that kind of person you are deep down inside. i'd be afraid you'd do the same thing again, and i'm pretty sure there is always going to be that element of doubt lingering somewhere in her head. and i'd be constantly worried that she's on your mind, that you can't let go. and i'd feel like a 2nd hand good. and honestly, no self-respecting woman would want to live like that. that's it really.
because as cliche as it sounds, it is true - once a cheater, always a cheater; if he can do it to me, he can do it to you.
it's like one of the rules of dating.
well, one of my rules.
never date a cheater.
never date a guy who left his girl for you. because if he can do it to her, he can do it to you.
and, never do the same.
but i need to get this out.
now, don't lecture me, don't tell me i have to stop, don't tell me it doesn't matter anymore and don't tell me i need to move on. don't you dare.
because i have, and i'm happy i did.
but i still hurt very deeply.
you know what the funny thing is?
do you know what i really regret?
as in, five months down the road, five months of no contact with you or never talking to you, being essentially free of you and all that shit you threw at me,
i'm actually able to view things from a much better perspective.
and i'm able to think with a clear head.
i'm glad i walked away.
because i know i'm much better than you, or than the two of you put together.
because i know that that is the one thing i will never do, and i can safely say this now, having been on the bad end of it all.
and because i know, that i deserve better than you.
but, coming back to the question......what i really regret is,
thinking i wanted you back. this was even after i found out, after i read those disgustingly icky pathetic sweetheart messages she sent you, after i found her photo in your phone (yes, the one with her in a dressing room...yuck), after you can tell me to my face how much more she matters to you and after all the insults you hurled at me and all the times you blamed me for what happened.
i actually, stupidly, retardedly, pride-lessly believed that we were meant to be together and that it was my fault and that i wanted you back so badly.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
and i regret, begging you to take me back.
and i regret APOLOGISING to you for YOUR CHEATING.
and i regret believing you when you told me she was "so much more" than me.
you have no idea.
no idea what you put me through.
those three months. they were hell on earth. literal hell.
don't even get me started on exams.
you put me through hell ernest fong.
do you know what it feels like? you don't.
and you know what? i don't fucking want your damn sympathy. because it's tainted. it's poisoned and tainted.
and yes, you can tell her she IS THE THIRD PARTY. she's spot on. no doubts about that.
and please. don't tell me you "pray" for my "acceptance" everday. my acceptance? acceptance of what? your adultery and eventual betrayal? hahaha, please. just stop acting like you are innocent and a complete victim of this entire thing. just stop. because right now, to me, i don't care. you go deal with your own sins. don't pile them up on me. and to me, anything you have with her was borne out of adultery and betrayal. and, that is downright wrong.
and the only reason why i tell you this, why after so many weeks and months of recovery, why i'm going back to this, is really because i'm stronger now. mentally and emotionally.
and because i've actually had the time to sit down and think.
i never thought cheating was as bad as it would be. i never expected it to happen to me, but worst of all i realised that it can have a profound impact on relationships.
right now, i don't want you back.
I KNOW i don't want you back.
I KNOW IT deep down, it's so ingrained, so indelible. it's practically written on my forehead, wherever i go.
conversely, for me, and for the rest who know, the word CHEATER is written on yours.
because when i think about it, even if you came back, it's broken already.
i would be living in a constant state of paranoia. especially since you see sarah lim everyday.
and especially since you can tell me after 1 month of knowing her, that you have feelings for her and none for me, despite being with me for 3 years. as quickly as she comes in, you can erase away 3 years of commitment. it's as if you've transferred them over.
i would hate to be her.
because i'd be very afraid of that kind of person you are deep down inside. i'd be afraid you'd do the same thing again, and i'm pretty sure there is always going to be that element of doubt lingering somewhere in her head. and i'd be constantly worried that she's on your mind, that you can't let go. and i'd feel like a 2nd hand good. and honestly, no self-respecting woman would want to live like that. that's it really.
because as cliche as it sounds, it is true - once a cheater, always a cheater; if he can do it to me, he can do it to you.
it's like one of the rules of dating.
well, one of my rules.
never date a cheater.
never date a guy who left his girl for you. because if he can do it to her, he can do it to you.
and, never do the same.
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are heard?,
there's certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,
this time baby, i'll be bulletproof.
there's certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,
this time baby, i'll be bulletproof.
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